Friday, July 20, 2007
Rising up the ranks.
I am throughly confused. I am not deliberately distancing myself and yet I am not willing to minimise that gap. Dear me, I want to give you all a taste of what I am. Not call my friend an imposter, shoot me quick glances as I pass nor pass a quick concerned remark just because someone else who really cares did.
4 years it has been. I have seen the best and ( i dont deny) the worst of the team. The height of personal achievement of some and the downfall and despair of others. The dwindling collective results , not a body of team work but the outcries of individuals screaming aloud , grabbing at what they can. Manageable I may say but long lasting?
The selective few and the exclusive talk. Although to the favour of the ones who oversee us, proves to be seen with scorn and rejection by some of us. Okay me. What happened to the quiet struggle to achievement, what happened to the quiet thoughts that pervade us , what happened to the quiet soul searching , what happened to the quiet selflessness , the little bit of consideration of others who do not function well under loud decibels.
4 years I really have been quietly making my worth, trying so hard to make a statement, put forth a certain point and possibly garner some supportive response. I thank the seniors of the 04-05 and 05-06 batch a lot. Back then , there were people to look up to, there was inspiration to keep me going. The 9ths and all , with support pepppered upon me , triggered sneezes of rejuvenation, to ensure I had the mind to get perhaps an 8th.
So another year has passed, there is possibly no improvement. A 9th and a last. I blame my mindset, fickledness and the environment. The scorn and envy that pervades me. That is it.
Then again, I have never meant to be like this.
I was meant to be good. I'll be back. ¶ 8:47 PM
I am throughly confused. I am not deliberately distancing myself and yet I am not willing to minimise that gap. Dear me, I want to give you all a taste of what I am. Not call my friend an imposter, shoot me quick glances as I pass nor pass a quick concerned remark just because someone else who really cares did.
4 years it has been. I have seen the best and ( i dont deny) the worst of the team. The height of personal achievement of some and the downfall and despair of others. The dwindling collective results , not a body of team work but the outcries of individuals screaming aloud , grabbing at what they can. Manageable I may say but long lasting?
The selective few and the exclusive talk. Although to the favour of the ones who oversee us, proves to be seen with scorn and rejection by some of us. Okay me. What happened to the quiet struggle to achievement, what happened to the quiet thoughts that pervade us , what happened to the quiet soul searching , what happened to the quiet selflessness , the little bit of consideration of others who do not function well under loud decibels.
4 years I really have been quietly making my worth, trying so hard to make a statement, put forth a certain point and possibly garner some supportive response. I thank the seniors of the 04-05 and 05-06 batch a lot. Back then , there were people to look up to, there was inspiration to keep me going. The 9ths and all , with support pepppered upon me , triggered sneezes of rejuvenation, to ensure I had the mind to get perhaps an 8th.
So another year has passed, there is possibly no improvement. A 9th and a last. I blame my mindset, fickledness and the environment. The scorn and envy that pervades me. That is it.
Then again, I have never meant to be like this.
I was meant to be good. I'll be back. ¶ 8:47 PM
