I'm passive. I feel let down by every little thing that doesn't go my way.

I've said this over and over so many times to so many people. 2004 was the best year in my life. I worked hard for that sole purpose. My teacher, my coach, my fellow teammates , harsh and demanding they may be, backed me up wholeheartedly. Monitored my every stepping, promptly points out every little flaw. Back then, perfection was in sight. Everyone around me, geared me to idealness. Almost perfection.

There I had, any thing a first timer could ask for. I worked for it, I bathed in all the sweet returns that I could get . I set my sights forward to some where new. Where I thought, a decent track record would mean a team with similar spirit, drive and passion.

I dont know to say if I am wrong about it. Maybe its the lack of focus. I lost my shine, I could garner no attention. I fickled , fickled then burnt out.

And so I was given a lighter, which only wanted to light certain candles. Candles that were bigger, better and offered much more light. When the lighter came to me, it clicked and clicked, spurted a faint spark , lighted me up , and then to be extinguished by the wind. The lighter offered me no flame anymore.

And then I ask , what is wrong with wanting the best for myself?

You guys are right, school training is indeed helpful. It is technical. My improvement is slow and even to the verge of being painful. I have not much time left. I would love to ask all of you if you have ever been robbed of 2 years of your life , 2 years that were meant to be the extension of the glory that you have garnered.

It is painfully insulting, to be chucked like youre meaningless. It is painful to ride along the highway where sleek racers fly past where you paddle on slowly , worthlessly on a bicycle. The road is long and I may have been " tekan-ed " time and again but I feel worked, I feel the attention, I feel like I am worthed.

Dear people who care for me, please let me have the chance to bring my life back. My confidence , my outlook on the near future, my ego, all lies in how far and fast my legs will take me. Now that I gear myself in retrieving this past that i have lost, I would love to have as much support as you would give.

Dear teacher, I have no idea why it has become like this. I only want to run well , I 'll still give you points.

Dear coach, words dont come easy. I dont want to sound like I rejected you but I do thank you for your willingness these coupla weeks.

Dear teammates, I only want to become as good as you are.

Dear kids, please keep me sane. Thank you for making trainings enjoyable

Dear training partner, I wish I could be as strong as you are , no matter how weak you say you are

Does it have to start with a broken heart
Broken dreams and bleeding parts
We were young and world was clear
Young ambition disappears
I swore it would never come to this
The average, the obvious

I'm still discontented down here
I'm so discontented

If we only got one try
If we've only got one life
If time was never on our side
Before I die I want to burn out bright

So a spark ignites
In time and space
To make it through this human race
You fight and crawl your way back home
But you're running the wrong way

The future is a question mark
With kerosene electric sparks
There's still fire in you yet
Yeah there's still fire in youIf we only got one try

If we've only got one life
If time was never on our side
Before I die I want to burn out bright

I can't clean up the mess I've made
I can't clean up the mess I've made

Can't sleep in the bed I've made
Can't sleep in the bed I've made

If we only got one try
If we've only got one life
If time was never on our side

  ¶ 5:47 AM