Friday, August 19, 2005
take a breather please.
i feel the CELLS in my head, degrading and fragmentating, if not shrivelling up and dissolving into pure nothingness. despite so, my head feels amazingly heavy. Im doing too much and getting too little in return and its starting to take its toll. I have so much complains and yet i feel that confiding them to anyone would be piling trouble upon him/her. I care too much for others. I neglect myself.
but why? why am i going all out for things that may not even relate to me and hesitating to carry out things that totally matter to my well-being , in fear that it would drag others down with me. Its so wrong, thats not the way I want it to be anymore. i would put myself in all the crappiest shit just to make sure others would have a smoother ride. sometimes its just wrong. People take you for granted, taking that youre a push-over when you actually take into careful consideration their well-being deep inside . I feel so cheated. I dunno whether to trust my instincts anymore for they have plunged me into such crappy shit.
I do because I care and I sincerely hope. It seems that all i have done has been erased within a mere few minutes due to my incompetence. My ultimate weakness has once again dragged me down so far that im not sure if i want it anymore. It is as if it has been clearly registered and save-locked in my brains that im destined to be bound in my current self. No amount of self-improvement ( which have been ) would actually be able to lift me out of this crapshit situation. I feel so undeserving. I dun deserve what I have got. A moment of incompetence lasts a long time and til the end of it , you dunno whether you can believe like you have before. Time is cruel, it erases the hopes that you have once held on so dearly into ultimate nothingness. At the end of the day, you are left with nothing but you , your physical being and a worthless life on tow. Yes, you may have won for the moment and Im happy for you. and I hope that you share the same sentiments as I do. It totally feels as if you have underperformed in a crucial race which would conclude decisions with certain weight. I am told that its okay and it'll come again next year. youve got what it takes and when you stumble in the last stretch and lost it all, YOU DEFINTELY feel like an ultimate loser.
after so much i have done, its just this. this. this. nthg more.
just how is the real world ? ¶ 10:43 PM
i feel the CELLS in my head, degrading and fragmentating, if not shrivelling up and dissolving into pure nothingness. despite so, my head feels amazingly heavy. Im doing too much and getting too little in return and its starting to take its toll. I have so much complains and yet i feel that confiding them to anyone would be piling trouble upon him/her. I care too much for others. I neglect myself.
but why? why am i going all out for things that may not even relate to me and hesitating to carry out things that totally matter to my well-being , in fear that it would drag others down with me. Its so wrong, thats not the way I want it to be anymore. i would put myself in all the crappiest shit just to make sure others would have a smoother ride. sometimes its just wrong. People take you for granted, taking that youre a push-over when you actually take into careful consideration their well-being deep inside . I feel so cheated. I dunno whether to trust my instincts anymore for they have plunged me into such crappy shit.
I do because I care and I sincerely hope. It seems that all i have done has been erased within a mere few minutes due to my incompetence. My ultimate weakness has once again dragged me down so far that im not sure if i want it anymore. It is as if it has been clearly registered and save-locked in my brains that im destined to be bound in my current self. No amount of self-improvement ( which have been ) would actually be able to lift me out of this crapshit situation. I feel so undeserving. I dun deserve what I have got. A moment of incompetence lasts a long time and til the end of it , you dunno whether you can believe like you have before. Time is cruel, it erases the hopes that you have once held on so dearly into ultimate nothingness. At the end of the day, you are left with nothing but you , your physical being and a worthless life on tow. Yes, you may have won for the moment and Im happy for you. and I hope that you share the same sentiments as I do. It totally feels as if you have underperformed in a crucial race which would conclude decisions with certain weight. I am told that its okay and it'll come again next year. youve got what it takes and when you stumble in the last stretch and lost it all, YOU DEFINTELY feel like an ultimate loser.
after so much i have done, its just this. this. this. nthg more.
just how is the real world ? ¶ 10:43 PM
