Friday, June 17, 2005
piang, they shifted heats to 15th. which is like 3 days earlier. luckily it isnt like high jump, from 18 th to like the first day. thats really cool man. that means i have 3 days less to train, 3 days less to toughen up mentally , 3 days less to recover, 3 days less to get on track, 3 days less to get back to my right state of mind, 3 days less to worry, 3 days less to stress abt, 3 days less before i can get over and done with. but then again, for the first time, heats and finals are separated. BUT THEN AGAIN, will i even get into the finals?
there i go again -.-
training was blabhalhiweorao ghkgadfjbnknklka oiahoherkjngkhoihmn,z.,piutjg
full of unneeded lkjhweutowjgo joir;ohgahnkldmlhaldflhd
sitting there like a alfghooawo feeling all alfdhgaoho om;ag just becos akjghaksgkj.
yes ive been there before but ive long lost the feeling of how i got there, the process and the pain , swwweat and blood seem to have taken a step back from the whole picture. i can no longer picture how tough it was like , how can i let history take place again. i really dunno. ive lost it all. complacency ? just plain loss of interest ? the lack of motivation ? still in search for reasons ?
i am always inclined to believe that im a very lucky person. for all i knw, i never worked as hard as some people in nj track, esp the guys. who slog their hearts out hoping to clinch on to what they have and make good use outta it. although they might not be the creme of the crop, but they simply bury their heads and slog pump and just pia as hard as they can. hoping that their hard work can aid the team in every little way they can. that i say is vvv admirable.
how i wish i hadnt been there, how i wish i can start climbing all over again, having no personal expectations to keep up with just speeding ahead, knocking everything over and hoping it'll land you somewhere. even if it doesnt, you just turn back and pick up the pieces, turn on your engine and move on. having been there, you are aware of the complications that might arise, you step on your brakes every now and then and your journey is sloggy. you hold much worries, what if my car gets scratched? what if my tyres give way ? you start to think too much and ultimately you forget where youre heading. and when your car does get scratched, you get all flustered. you get demoralised and scared cos you dunno what to do.
good things come after long processes. im afraid my process hadnt been long enough. i guess i'll have to start all over again. ¶ 11:55 PM
there i go again -.-
training was blabhalhiweorao ghkgadfjbnknklka oiahoherkjngkhoihmn,z.,piutjg
full of unneeded lkjhweutowjgo joir;ohgahnkldmlhaldflhd
sitting there like a alfghooawo feeling all alfdhgaoho om;ag just becos akjghaksgkj.
yes ive been there before but ive long lost the feeling of how i got there, the process and the pain , swwweat and blood seem to have taken a step back from the whole picture. i can no longer picture how tough it was like , how can i let history take place again. i really dunno. ive lost it all. complacency ? just plain loss of interest ? the lack of motivation ? still in search for reasons ?
i am always inclined to believe that im a very lucky person. for all i knw, i never worked as hard as some people in nj track, esp the guys. who slog their hearts out hoping to clinch on to what they have and make good use outta it. although they might not be the creme of the crop, but they simply bury their heads and slog pump and just pia as hard as they can. hoping that their hard work can aid the team in every little way they can. that i say is vvv admirable.
how i wish i hadnt been there, how i wish i can start climbing all over again, having no personal expectations to keep up with just speeding ahead, knocking everything over and hoping it'll land you somewhere. even if it doesnt, you just turn back and pick up the pieces, turn on your engine and move on. having been there, you are aware of the complications that might arise, you step on your brakes every now and then and your journey is sloggy. you hold much worries, what if my car gets scratched? what if my tyres give way ? you start to think too much and ultimately you forget where youre heading. and when your car does get scratched, you get all flustered. you get demoralised and scared cos you dunno what to do.
good things come after long processes. im afraid my process hadnt been long enough. i guess i'll have to start all over again. ¶ 11:55 PM
