Wednesday, April 20, 2005
my life is on a fast forward mode. everything is like zooming past and i cant even catch what it really wants to tell me. i could have been back there, being comfortable and at peace knwing that no matter how much slacker it gets , i would still be promoted. but now, every moment in this hectic life, i would be worrying abt whether i would be able to hit above three. well at least above three, not a freak 2.99. darn thats even after the new hcl grade. im so useless. hope dangles on a string. and if i let go , GUSH i would just be swept away by the rapid waters. boy i sure do want that to happen yea ? and not only that, there would be rocks jutting out of the water and im bound to get pierced right thru the stomach and just die.
thats what is installed for me in future and im oh so looking forward to it. so many distractions. blame it on my weak sense of discipline. i cant go far. so much soul searching done yet i still up til today cant decide who i really am , what i really want. is it me just not doing anything right or is the world arnd me just purely wrong. i feel like an asshole gg against all the conventions of life , banging my friggin empty head on the wall hoping it'll crack and crumble and after knwing that it wont crumble i would just hover into a corner and just sob about my tragedy. what freakin guts ? NO GUTS. fug. now im all thinkg abt no guts no glory. darn it shit.
fug fug fug. i need a freakin driving force and i need sumth that i can pin my hopes on. not the donkey's tail. bloody fcuked up.
¶ 6:14 AM
thats what is installed for me in future and im oh so looking forward to it. so many distractions. blame it on my weak sense of discipline. i cant go far. so much soul searching done yet i still up til today cant decide who i really am , what i really want. is it me just not doing anything right or is the world arnd me just purely wrong. i feel like an asshole gg against all the conventions of life , banging my friggin empty head on the wall hoping it'll crack and crumble and after knwing that it wont crumble i would just hover into a corner and just sob about my tragedy. what freakin guts ? NO GUTS. fug. now im all thinkg abt no guts no glory. darn it shit.
fug fug fug. i need a freakin driving force and i need sumth that i can pin my hopes on. not the donkey's tail. bloody fcuked up.
¶ 6:14 AM
