Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Instead of sitting around ranting what I have and what I don't have , I figured out that it would be best if I could at least do something about. I know hitting sub-14 would be a really hard but yet I'm still not doing anything about it. I'm just letting each training go pass as if Nationals were like ten million years away. I'm practically waiting for my legs to work the way I aspire them to be. and well ? Without doing anything at all , of course nothing would be accomplished. Perhaps .. ohwels. Perhaps. But I don't think so. It's way too soon. too soon.
" jiahui, you just do 80 hurdles for nationals la. "
" but im not c div already , im b div , suppose to do 100 hurdles. "
" huh. really ah ? but you never train leh. "
" ... "
arent you suppose to know all these more clearly than me. youre asking me to do 80 hurdles for nationals. what a joke. clearly , i can see that you are all flustered and tired of coaching me. someone who can't get a hold of herself. can't break that mental barrier just to cross the first couple of hurdles. im sorry i knw training me can be frustrating but at least , put a little faith in me. just like you do for the rest of the people. at least put some effort into at least rmbg how old i am and that oh-i-cant-blame-you-youre-old , my name.
what do you mean by i never train ? who is suppose to be training me ? its you. who is suppose to monitor my progress and at least give me a brief analysis of my performance. you. and yet , you just dump me into some generalised training programme and i try to put up a gleeful expression even though you have just tore me away from my beloved hurdles. yes youre right. im not strong enough yet. but at least give me some hope, let me cross my hurdles again , don't make me feel as if ive already drawn a line between me and my hurdles.
im a distraction. im distracting you from training your beloved pro-ders. im sorry. but i want to train as much as you want to train them. i want to be like them one day and nothing can stop me. i want it so much so much. i cant afford to be a one time champ, the thought haunts me. everyday i wonder what life would be without staying for trngs 3 days per week. without crossing my hurdles again. it would be like an imperfect cadence. and the feeling of returning from a satisfying trng would slowly fail to motivate me. cause indeed there hasnt been many satisfying trngs.
" oh shit. i missed the record by 0.04 "
" darn it. you should have just went all out man "
" yeah. shit la. "
thanks so much. im so indeed discouraged by this. carrying the feeling that your very own record would soon be shattered by someone who had spent time luggin their hearts out just on running and not even making full use of their brains in their math and anything study wise. the feeling is ultimate dung. how much have i put in , getting up early every morning just to practice my steps before everyone rushes in for assembly. using skills trngs to polish up my trail leg movements. after all that , luggin myself to trng which ends like 7 plus and home to mug my heart out. so it was stressful and tedious, but every step i took , i took with a purpose and im very glad that at least something good turns out. something that reflects my efforts. but then again , records are set to be broken. i cant hold that moment on forever. just like theres no reason i can cont living in the past, its time that i stop holding my prize so tightly and let it down for others to see. and perhaps its time that i really should move on.
" But in the end I think that person will survive. There is hope ok ?"
yes i still hold on to the fact that there is hope. there always hope. then yet again, im being superficial. im trying to dig out all the possibilities , hoping to uncover the ultimately subtle stuff. i would so love to have someone who can relate to my worries. tell me everythings perfectly fine. and stand by me when the going gets tough. be it words of encouragement or just plainly a " go jiahui" , anything. as long as it gets me moving i would so appreciate it.
just like you would spend time , your preecious time , telling me that everytime would be fine. i hope that you'll do it again. although your words are plain, simple and just purely straight to the point. whenever i look back at those messages. my heart simply let goes of all worries for i know that at least you were there to answer my rants but now. im afraid that you'll be disturbed. you have your own issues to take care off. much as i want to feel all emotionally secured once again , i figured out that it might be best if i learnt how to stand on my own feet. so much running and work-outs, i certainly do hope that those legs of mine would be able to sustain such weight. i'll survive for and with you.
¶ 6:14 AM
" jiahui, you just do 80 hurdles for nationals la. "
" but im not c div already , im b div , suppose to do 100 hurdles. "
" huh. really ah ? but you never train leh. "
" ... "
arent you suppose to know all these more clearly than me. youre asking me to do 80 hurdles for nationals. what a joke. clearly , i can see that you are all flustered and tired of coaching me. someone who can't get a hold of herself. can't break that mental barrier just to cross the first couple of hurdles. im sorry i knw training me can be frustrating but at least , put a little faith in me. just like you do for the rest of the people. at least put some effort into at least rmbg how old i am and that oh-i-cant-blame-you-youre-old , my name.
what do you mean by i never train ? who is suppose to be training me ? its you. who is suppose to monitor my progress and at least give me a brief analysis of my performance. you. and yet , you just dump me into some generalised training programme and i try to put up a gleeful expression even though you have just tore me away from my beloved hurdles. yes youre right. im not strong enough yet. but at least give me some hope, let me cross my hurdles again , don't make me feel as if ive already drawn a line between me and my hurdles.
im a distraction. im distracting you from training your beloved pro-ders. im sorry. but i want to train as much as you want to train them. i want to be like them one day and nothing can stop me. i want it so much so much. i cant afford to be a one time champ, the thought haunts me. everyday i wonder what life would be without staying for trngs 3 days per week. without crossing my hurdles again. it would be like an imperfect cadence. and the feeling of returning from a satisfying trng would slowly fail to motivate me. cause indeed there hasnt been many satisfying trngs.
" oh shit. i missed the record by 0.04 "
" darn it. you should have just went all out man "
" yeah. shit la. "
thanks so much. im so indeed discouraged by this. carrying the feeling that your very own record would soon be shattered by someone who had spent time luggin their hearts out just on running and not even making full use of their brains in their math and anything study wise. the feeling is ultimate dung. how much have i put in , getting up early every morning just to practice my steps before everyone rushes in for assembly. using skills trngs to polish up my trail leg movements. after all that , luggin myself to trng which ends like 7 plus and home to mug my heart out. so it was stressful and tedious, but every step i took , i took with a purpose and im very glad that at least something good turns out. something that reflects my efforts. but then again , records are set to be broken. i cant hold that moment on forever. just like theres no reason i can cont living in the past, its time that i stop holding my prize so tightly and let it down for others to see. and perhaps its time that i really should move on.
" But in the end I think that person will survive. There is hope ok ?"
yes i still hold on to the fact that there is hope. there always hope. then yet again, im being superficial. im trying to dig out all the possibilities , hoping to uncover the ultimately subtle stuff. i would so love to have someone who can relate to my worries. tell me everythings perfectly fine. and stand by me when the going gets tough. be it words of encouragement or just plainly a " go jiahui" , anything. as long as it gets me moving i would so appreciate it.
just like you would spend time , your preecious time , telling me that everytime would be fine. i hope that you'll do it again. although your words are plain, simple and just purely straight to the point. whenever i look back at those messages. my heart simply let goes of all worries for i know that at least you were there to answer my rants but now. im afraid that you'll be disturbed. you have your own issues to take care off. much as i want to feel all emotionally secured once again , i figured out that it might be best if i learnt how to stand on my own feet. so much running and work-outs, i certainly do hope that those legs of mine would be able to sustain such weight. i'll survive for and with you.
¶ 6:14 AM
